(2003 to 2005)

Pressure == Happiness?

Sun Sep 5 05:02:00 UTC+1000 2004


I've been having a disproportionate number of semi-euphoric 'episodes' lately.

Over the past few months ( or years! :P ), I've been under a great deal of pressure. Real or imagined, I'm not sure, but I've felt it nonetheless.

I'm not happy about most of what I see. I'm not happy about most of what I say. Yet, regularly, as I sit here thinking about all of it, the corners of my lips creep up, and I feel contented and blissful. I feel undaunted, motivated, enthusiastic and optimistic.

I can't understand why I feel that way. Maybe I've just been pushed as far as I can go, and come out the other side in some confused state. The best I've been able to come up with a 'reason' for my emotional state is that I have faith that somewhere in the world there are good people with concern for others, confidence in my own competence, and even simply that “the universe is unfolding as it should”.

It's a nice feeling, even if it is only the culmination of stress and fatigue.


Copyright © 2003-2005 John Elliot