(2003 to 2005)

I'm normal.

Tue Jan 25 02:43:00 UTC+1100 2005


You know what was great about going to the doctor today..?

They kept saying, “Yep, good. That's normal.”

That's so fucking awesome.

No-one ever says that to me.

It was nice to hear it.

All I ever hear from people about how I live is, “That's bad. You shouldn't do that. Do you know how bad that is? You're going to die. [1]” etc.

In my heart I was afraid they were going to say:

“Man, those lungs of yours are fucked!”, or

“You can't hear shit! Exactly *how* loud did you say your headphones are..?”, or 

“OMG, you are one fat bastard! You'd better lay off the calories boy.”, or

“In my entire career I've never seen blood pressure this high!”, or 

“You really can't read the letters on the top row?”, or 

“Most people flinch when I hit their leg with that hammer...”, or

“Holy Shit! Your urine sample indicates that you're carrying a *lethal* dose of caffeine. In fact, there was more caffeine in your urine than there was *urine*, and we suspect the same is likely for your blood. We need to get you out of the building *now* because if you start sweating, or spit, or cough, or bleed then the sheer concentration of the toxins in your blood will melt a hole through the fifteen concrete floors between us and the basement!”

...but instead they just kept saying,

“Yep. Good. That's normal!”

...and they didn't grab my balls.

...not once.

...didn't even look sideways at 'em.

I really don't have any complaints about this trip to the doctor. :)


[1] I'm going to die..? Yep. That's NORMAL!

Copyright © 2003-2005 John Elliot