(2003 to 2005)

My Mum - The Numerologist and Feng Shui extraordinaire!

Sat Jun 26 04:00:00 UTC+1000 2004


Heh, heh. :)

Mum came round to take me to lunch the other day (or maybe she just needed an excuse to get an AWESOME kebab from the only place you can get such a thing which happens to be right near where I live, and she wanted to make sure I wasn't curled up on the floor naked and whimpering (yet)).

Anyway, we had a chat. Well really, she said lots of stuff, and I said “Yep”, “Ah-ha”, “That's true” a lot. I *was* listening though, I swear! :)

I ended up talking about how I had rearranged my room. Initially I said I didn't like it, because something just “felt a little wrong”.

Then she got to work, analysing the crap out of my main room. This door, that door, no mirror there, face this way, look there, move this, etc.

In the end I had to say no, because although it would be feasible, there would be a problem when I had visitors, because the seating arrangements would be awkward.

The thing is though, that there really is an *evil* part of my apartment.

You know how when you're a kid, you are afraid of what is under the bed..? Or, you're afraid of what is in the closet, and if the door is open a little bit at night while you are trying to get to sleep, you feel like something evil is in there staring at you, waiting for you, waiting for you to let down your guard, waiting for you to fall asleep so that it can spring forth and unleash it's cruel violence and fear upon your innocent soul!

Well, anyway, there is a place like that in my apartment. I have a two bedroom apartment, but I don't use two whole rooms (I have stuff in them, but I never go in there) and I pretty much just live in the main room. The main room has a short open corridor (area 1) to the front door, and another corridor to the rest of the apartment that has a door (area 2).

Area 2 can be scary, but it is neutral territory. It's not to be trusted, but also doesn't present any direct threat. It's just a door that is usually ajar with darkness behind it. There are 'wanna be' evil things lurking in the empty rooms, but they are far away and aren't interested in coming down the corridor, so Area 2 is no big deal. It's manageable.

On the other hand: Area 1 is PURE EVIL!

From Area 1 there is always a cold, barely noticeable breeze. Now, a rational person might say this is just physics, and the air is flowing from a high-pressure system to a low-pressure system, and the windows in the kitchen and laundry are open, and air comes under the front door etc. But a rational person doesn't live here. They don't sit here at night. They don't understand that in Area 1 there is pure, unadulterated wickedness. The cool, faint breeze springs from the DEPTHS OF HELL and the demons that lurk there have decided to materialize in this world leaving a small channel for it to flow across.

So, because of my new arrangements, I have my back to Area 1. And that's bad. I feel like just outside of my peripheral vision over my left shoulder lurks DEATH HIMSELF breathing his icy breath over my vulnerable neck, in sheer glee fingering his devices of pain and suffering, and waiting for me.

I never look over my shoulder, I'd be too horrified to witness him. But I know he's there.

Mum was right.. the Fend Shui in this place is messed up.


Copyright © 2003-2005 John Elliot