(2003 to 2005)

Transparent in retrospect..

Sat Jun 19 19:58:00 UTC+1000 2004


This might be a paradox. Often I come here to post something because I'm bothered. Then after I post something, I'm bothered by what I posted. So I feel like coming back and posting about how I'm bothered about what I posted. Or, it might not be a paradox.. perhaps it is just stupid.

Tonight I spent an hour trawling through a whole heap of old stuff of mine. Email, files, uni assignments, school work, etc.

Thinking I know everything (actually, correction: outwardly giving one the impression that I believed I knew everything) seems to be a pretty consistent traight of mine.

It was interesting to read some of the stuff that I wrote 8 years ago. Kind of a lot has happened since then, but I'm also still kinda the same guy.

What I was surprised to see, was how transparent what I was saying was in retrospect.

I can literally remember writing that stuff 8 years ago. I know exactly how I felt, etc.

When I look at what I wrote back then now, I can put myself in a box in nano-seconds. I pick all the correct boxes too. But at any given point in my life, I'm never able to put myself in a box.

I guess the implication is likely to be that one day, I will look back at these posts that I'm writing now, see what I managed to *actually* say and compare it with what I was *trying* to say, and put myself in a box again.

That's a big part of why I post stuff here I think. Even when I know it already bothers me.


Copyright © 2003-2005 John Elliot