(2003 to 2005)

Tips for better living

Fri Oct 29 05:16:00 UTC+1100 2004


Tip One: Don't start making toast when you wake up in the morning before going to the toilet. Because you might realise that you need to go while you're waiting for the toast, but you won't be sure if the trip to the bathroom will be quick enough, so you'll wait, busting, until the toast pops. But then you have to put your Vegemite on and eat the toast, or it'll go cold. If you do accidentally make your toast before going to the bathroom, and realise that you need to, then go immediately to the toilet. In this case seconds wasted are seconds that your toast will be going cold. Better to risk some cold / burnt toast than stand around in discomfort for a few minutes...

Tip Two: Don't take your shirt off while you are wearing your glasses and standing near an open toilet.

Tip Three: Always take your cigarette out of your mouth before taking off a shirt or jumper. Always.

Tip Four: While doing a number two, save yourself some time and break of four squares of toilet paper. Folder in half twice and place them, in readiness, on your left leg. Four ought to do it. Don't forget to fold in half after each wipe. You can fold twice, although sometimes you have to just sacrifice the first one...

Copyright © 2003-2005 John Elliot