(2003 to 2005)


Wed Aug 4 15:39:00 UTC+1000 2004


Just a few things that are on my mind:

I was thinking that it's interesting to wonder how the rest of the world perceives me. (Since I know what 'perceive' means to me)

If I'm just sitting alone in my room, working on my computers and I have a forum where I write stuff (i.e. this blog) that other people read, then other people's reading will kick off some cognitive function, and they'll judge me. I'll steal their brain cycles while they think about the 'meaning' behind the symbols that I arrange here. They'll try to figure me out. Try to figure what I'm on about, what they can get out of me, if I'm worth knowing, worth listening to, etc.

Technically, to be a good little member of society, I should bare this fact in mind when I openly communicate.

I should be saying things that I suspect will lead to a positive outcome for me. I should be taking responsibility for the perception held of me in the biological machines that are other people's minds. For some reason, that's what people implicitly claim I'm supposed to do, and in fact it is what I am doing whether I want to or not. Simply by virtue of the fact that I said something and someone else listened I've engaged in that process.

I think that's interesting. I'm still wondering what impression I should make, so, in the meantime, I'll just create some confused perception of “lonely wannabe intellectual geek happily depraved of human company trying to understand his motivations for life and the behavior of others” and see where that gets me. What will people feel? Envy? Scorn? Contempt? Pity? Hope? Admiration? Intrigue? Do I care? Will whether I do or don't care, or whether I claim that I do or don't care have some baring on how I am perceived..? Certainly it would. I reckon I'd be really good at programming humans, if I resolved to live alone for some 'purpose' (as I guess most humans must).

I spoke with a mate a week ago, and he said something about the police that I thought was interesting. It really opened my eyes to something that I hadn't realised before. After having this realisation the same truth was then evident in Fahrenheit 9/11 when I saw that recently.

The world is not a big place.

People are not amazing.

International and domestic politics are about as exciting and meaningful as school yard politics; the players are all as good as children.

There is no 'good guys'.

There is no 'virtue'.

'Power' is a ruse.

Forces, like the NSW Police Force, the American Government, the Catholic Church etc. aren't what I used to think they were.

I see now what they really are.

They are a name given to a collection of people who are just 'hustling' their way through life. They're scammers. There isn't really any functional difference between these guys and the Yakuza or the Mafia. They're just other organised rackets, and, like usual, you either submit to them, or you're against them. They all have their own ways of dealing with 'non conformists', they have their own 'rules' and their own hierarchical class systems.

It's an open game. Anyone can play.

I'd prefer to just ignore all of them.

I see them all as being as confused, insane, dishonest and self-serving as the others.

I've really just recently realised how pathetic humans are.

I know that I can't change others' prime motivations. I just wish I had words to describe properly what they are; something that conveyed more meaning (or induced more understanding) than “feed, fuck and lie in the sun“.

I like being warm.

Copyright © 2003-2005 John Elliot